Tool #4 to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage: Make Amends

by Samuel Rainey

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." ~ 1 John 1:9

Early in my marriage I was not very considerate of Stephanie with my time management. For me, time was flexible. When we had young kids, I knew that she needed me home after work around 5 p.m. That was the most difficult part of the day at home with kids and dinner time.

You also need to know that I am a master at procrastination. In college, I wore it as a badge of honor that I could start an essay an hour before it was due and somehow make a decent grade.

Unfortunately, I brought this habit of procrastination into marriage and it began eroding Stephanie’s trust in me. I got into the habit of underestimating the amount of time it took to wrap up my workday and get home. My office was only 12 minutes away from home and I believed I could work until 4:45 and make it home on time. But that left no margin.

Towards the end of the workday, I would often text or call Stephanie that I would be home in 15 minutes, and then show up 20-25 minutes later. I had every intention of getting home in 15 minutes, but didn’t do what was necessary to make sure this happened. Over time, I continued to over promise and under deliver. This broke her trust and impacted how well she felt cared for by me.