The Surprising Truth About Gratitude (And Why It Heals Your Heart)

One spring, years ago now, Dennis and I watched other families experience all the celebratory festivities of a child’s senior year in high school: proms, award nights, graduation.

But our daughter, a senior that year, had decided she was done with school. At 18, she knew she was not legally bound to us anymore. Six weeks before graduation she dropped out and moved in with a friend who we barely knew.

I remember keenly the loneliness, isolation, and great sadness we felt as parents when all of our friends, many of whom we’d known since our kids were in grade school together, all gathered happily at awards night and then at graduation. But we were home, alone. Wondering where our daughter was. Wondering if she was safe. Fear was our companion.

I was not happy, nor was I thankful. This was not what I had prayed for. This was not good for our daughter or for us.

You may be facing difficult situations like this in your life. So how do you face the rapidly approaching holidays this year when your world has been turned upside down?

What do you do when you scroll through your social media feed and see stories and photos from others and their apparently perfect days, perfect families, and beautiful holiday preparations?

When photos pop up on your phone from years ago with memories of happier days, what do you do? The reminders are painful stabs of what could have been or should have been. And it hurts … deeply.

As you approach the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, how do you manage festive events and family gatherings when your world is filled with conflict and pain?

Heartache and change are normal. “Happily ever after” is not.

First, remember this truth: We aren’t in heaven yet. We still live on a broken planet, one that has always been infected with sin and death. God tells us we are “aliens and strangers” (1 Peter 2:11) on earth looking forward to a new heaven and earth where one day all will be well (see Hebrews 11 and Revelation 21:5). That reality helps right size any expectation of perfection or perpetual happiness here and now.

Second, avoid social media during this season. Don’t give opportunities to the enemy of your soul, the devil, to cause you to compare with others who appear to have what you don’t. Instead of scrolling through images, scroll through your Bible. Do a word search on gratitude or thanksgiving or heaven to remind yourself of what is lasting. Feed your soul with eternal truth. Don’t put the junk food of social media into your heart.

Third, give thanks. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t feel like giving thanks, forgiving, or showing grace. But it is an imperative, a bedrock essential of belonging to our Father in heaven as His child. When I choose to give thanks for my circumstances by faith I am reminding myself of several things:

• God is in control. My friend Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wrote in her book, Heaven Rules, “… He is sovereign over everything that touches us … He is ruler over every diagnosis and prognosis, over all incomes and outcomes, over the most daunting challenges as well as the most seemingly trivial details of our lives.” “God is in control” is not a trite statement. It is the truth.

• He has a plan and is working it. John Piper said at a conference I attended some years ago, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” We only see the current minutes and hours, while God sees every tomorrow and is always working good for those who love Him. And it’s good to remember His plan for you will never look like His plan for anyone else. Stop comparing!

• He can be trusted at all times. In spite of what we see and can’t see remember God sees all and is ahead of us in every circumstance. He is never surprised by those things which surprise us.

In God’s realm, giving thanks isn’t optional. It’s not okay to forego gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” In every situation and circumstance, good or bad, God commands us to give Him thanks.

Thanking Him is an acknowledgement of His authority. It also realigns our thinking and our faith with what is true. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

It’s likely that the working of the good that God intends won’t be in our timing, meaning it won’t come nearly as fast as we’d like. The change we desire might not even happen at all.

But the outcome isn’t the point. It’s all about our hearts. Believing in Him by faith is what He desires. As 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

With Thanksgiving approaching, and especially if the holiday feels all wrong, may I encourage you to choose today to give thanks for what He has allowed in your world, especially those things that are hard and unpleasant?

Write a list of the ways He has blessed you even in dark times. It is good and biblical to share your hurt and pain and losses with God. He wants to hear you express it. He knows anyway. But it’s equally important that you thank Him for all of it; good and not so good.

God has a plan and will show you the way, but the first step to finding peace and rest in the turmoil of the now is to give thanks. Giving thanks clears the clutter in our hearts.

May you open the door to His presence by giving Him your thanksgiving.

May you experience the relief that giving thanks can bring.

May you know the peace of His presence with you in this season when it seems that everyone is happy but you.

May you trust God as never before.